


Angry Menu Ft Smol Cú: Disfunctional Servants

by Lady_Rhey



Series: The Men of Fate [11]
Category: Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 12:10:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17425634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Rhey/pseuds/Lady_Rhey
Summary: NOTE:  I am portraying Angra Mainyu in his Shiroesque shape due to the nature of the request seeing as there is not going to be a body to summon him into.The request was to do a Angra Mainyu x Reader where the reader wishes for peace but goes about it in a destructive way and still has a chill personality.





	Angry Menu Ft Smol Cú: Disfunctional Servants

I don't know who the hell decided I needed another servant.  Didn't they see I clearly wasn't cut out for this?

 

*pan over to Smol Cú who is growling at and chasing his own tail which apparently stabbed him*

 

Yep, that's correct. Smol Cú is my Servant.....minion.....mascot....pet?Yeah his job is still under review. His powers are eating, growling, pulling tricks on me, and just being deviant in general.No one is quite sure what went wrong that caused him to appear after my summoning, but here we are. 

 

Now I'm standing in front of yet another summoning circle, accompanied by an angry, rabid Pygmy hoping for, but not expecting, a real Servant. 

 

"Remember what I said!  The only reason you are here is because you promised to behave.  DO NOT interrupt me."

 

There are a series of growls and grumbles coming from the floor where Smalls sits with his arms crossed pouting. 

 

"Good boy.  Here is your roast beef sandwich per our agreement."

 

Smalls jumps up and reaches out his hands before grabbing the sandwich and sitting down to eat.

 

I sigh.  "What a mess."  I shake my head and laugh.  All I had asked for in my summons was the ability to negate all the worlds evils with all the peace mankind could offer.  Even I didn't know how I was supposed to do that, but it sure as hell wasn't going to be with that ungrateful armadillo stegosaurus hybrid I had accompanying me. 

 

Shaking my head to clear it, I begin the chant.

 

Father of the heavens beseech me

Mother of the earth abide with my wishes

Grant me the service of a Spirit ancient in wisdom

Gentle of character

Strong of desire

And open to humanities strife

 

With this blood (I slit my palm and turn it face down so the blood drips on the circle) I commit my life, my sins and my devotion to he who shall commit to my call

 

Come forth o divine and relish in my wish

May humanities desire for peace be the weapon to vanquish all hate

 

Come forth valiant spirit

Heed my call!

 

Then before I could absorb the relief that Cú honored my request I see a small hand look at the crust of half his sandwich, turn it, disregard it, and throw it into the circle as it alights in blinding white radiance.

 

It is amazing I didn't go blind because my eyes went wide in horror as I tried to scream at Cú the instant the light went bright. 

 

When the light disappeared, I saw what looked like a dark figure that resembled a middle eastern cross between Ryu and Ken from street fighter, if they had been tortured by insurgents. 

 

"Great......another defect."I thought to myself before addressing the figure in the center. 

 

"Hello.I'm your new Master.May I ask your name?"

 

*crickets*

 

"Hello?"I ask again before I turn to Cú who rolls his eyes and waddles over to the figure with the other half of his sandwich in hand. 

 

I then proceed to watch him communicate in a series of growls, grumbles, and gestures before turning to me, taking a bite of his remaining sandwich, and barking at me a response with his mouth full.

 

"His name is Angry Menu?  Cú what have I told you about talking with your mouth full?"

 

Cú's face goes red and steam pours from his ears before he chews and swallows then barks again.

 

"Oh Angra Mainyu.  That makes more sense.....kinda.  So what can he do?

 

Cú turns to Amu (that's what I intend to call him at least) and asks on my behalf. 

 

In the end I realize that I have YET AGAIN been granted a useless servant.  Labeled as the weakest servant with no real Noble Phantasm, his only usefulness occurs when he possesses the body of another and even then it is only his desires that take root, enhancing the negative desires of his host, despite no longer hating humanity. 

 

"How the hell am I supposed to save the world with two servants who can't do something as simple as battle?  We can't scare them to death and I sure as HELL am not letting him take over my body!"

 

That's when it hits me.  You know the saying two wrongs don't make a right?  Well in this moment I felt the need to test this theory. 

 

"Cú can he understand me?"

 

Both Cú and Amu nod their head at the same time.

 

"Good.  I have an idea.  It's probably a bad one, but it's better than nothing."

 

The two blink, look at each other, then look back at me. 

 

"Amu I want you to possess Smalls over there."

 

The two look at each other again and Smalls starts growling angrily as he raises his tail in front of him like a stegosaurus does in an attempt to fend off Amu. 

 

Amu just shrugs and closes his eyes, before his host is left in a pile on the floor and his black shadow transfers to Cú engulfing him. 

 

The possession doesn't take long, but almost instantly I feel a deep seated fear, making me regret my choice. 

 

As I watch wide eyed, Cú's shadow form begins to change shape until it towers over me.Once upright, two gleaming red eyes stare out from the blackness before a severely scarred and tattooed version of Cú Alter stands before me. 

 

"Dear lord what have I done?"

 

Cú, not really understanding what has happened, lifts his hands and turns them over and over before bringing them to his face.He then looks down at his body and gives a start, which scares him again as a loud bang where his body jumped back resounds. 

 

In panic, he looks at me and opens his mouth. 

 

"Master, What hs happened to me?"

 

If I wasn't stunned by Cú talking clearly for once, I was definitely stunned when a separate consciousness responded.

 

"This is a much better host than that degenerate body I have been carrying around.If you must know, I am all that is left of a young boy who was tortured by his fellow villagers in an attempt to cleans them of the evil all men possess.I was cursed with all the evils of man-kind and turned into an Anti-Hero of sorts.Though, I have no independent skill or Phantasm, my appropriation of another host allows me to up the Critical stats of my host as well as downgrade the power of any apposing Phantasm.I also have the ability to alter the Grail and accept all of humanities evils into myself as a way to purify them of their own, though sadly this results in a corruption within the grail itself."

 

Both Cú and I just stand in complete confusion. 

 

"In this case, it seems, I have also been able to amplify the negativity present in Small Cú, allowing him to use my stored hate as a way to evolve into his true self, which was created from possessiveness, hate and jealousy.He should now be a suitable servant for you so long as I remain in possession of his body." 

 

I turn to Cú who seems scared and confused. 

 

"Are you able to enter and exit his body at will?"

 

"Yes, it does take a great deal of mana to do so though."

 

"I see.Well for the time being, would you be willing to leave his body so we can figure out how we want to handle this new piece of information?"

 

"Of course."

 

Then the shadow leaves Cú and returns to its original host, bringing Cú back to his original size. 

 

Once released, Cú runs over to me and climbs up my body to hang out at my shoulder as he mean mugs Amu. 

 

I pet Cú's head and sigh."Well it looks like if we want to save the world we are

gonna have to do it with the two most physically and emotionally destructive spirits I know.Not really what I was going for, but maybe it will work out in the end." 

 

———————————

 

We ended up being a good, if destructive team.Cú got used to Amu possessing him, but the increased rage he possessed hosting all the worlds evils meant he destroyed more than he saved.He had no control over Alter's berserker rage and it required me to threaten to use a command seal several times in order to get Amu out of Cú's body before the entire singularity was destroyed. 

 

None the less, we were finally able to fight and give back some of the peace to humanity that hadn't been granted to either one of the spirits I possessed.


End file.
